Author James Patterson asked a waitress in a coffee shop bout a menu item called "grass-fed meatballs." She did not see anything wrong with that. Perhaps we can get those low-income babies to wrangle those grazing meatballs.

A newscaster on a local Cape Cod radio station issued a plea for listeners to donate food and clothing to "low income babies." Those darn babies have been taking menial jobs away from qualified immigrants. It's high time for them to grow up.

The notorious Mahala Bishop muttered on the tennis court when she hit a soft lob that her opponent slammed for a winner, "Oh, it was like giving candy to a baby." From her opponent's point-of-view, it was more like taking candy from a baby.

Bret Baier, host of Special Report on Fox, regarding negotiations between Trump and the Democrats over the impending government shutdown: "It seems as if the President is trying to back them into a wall." A wonderful, if unintentional, pun.

Found in The Cape Cod Times in an editorial opinion piece ranting against the Trump administration:  "The contempt the Republicans have for voters is palatable." Tastes like chicken? The editors' lack of respect for readers is palpable. We laughed so hard, our heart stopped beating. But a nearby doctor palpated it back to life.

A rather brilliant one: "This poem peaks my curiosity." Before you throw a fit of pique, bear in mind that the word "peaks" makes perfect sense in this case.

A victim of an unwanted sexual advance, discussing how his male antagonist lured him to his home: "He was very good about me spilling my heart on my sleeve."