According to the Cape Cod Times, a woman told authorities that she could "bare witness to her boyfriend's whereabouts at the time of the robbery." I bet that woke up the jury!

In an episode of The Sopranos a Russian mistress says, "You are my knight in white statin armor." Can't you just hear that old knight in shining armor performing karaoke to the Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin"?

A sportswriter for The Providence Journal observed that before a final wild play propelled the Miami Dolphins to a stunning victory over the New England Patriots: "Seven seconds and the Patriots would exercise their Miami demons." Well,  it turned out those demons needed a lot more exercise.

A newscaster, commenting on the media's treatment of Donald Trump since his election to President: "They have gone after him like a ton of bricks." Bricks, taller than speeding trains, faster than tall buildings....

Contributed by Warren Silver: "On Wednesday morning CNN broadcaster, John Avlan, was trying to make the point about certain events coming around again when he said, 'Let's square the circle'. I wonder how he fared in geometry."

A football announcer commenting on a boneheaded foul by a defensive back: "That will really get under a head coach's craw." Not to mention it will stick in his skin.

A play-by-play announcer on Monday Night Football praising Aaron Rogers for an amazing comeback victory: "He pulled another rabbit out of his head." And put it in his hat.